In which I use chemicals to make myself feel like shit. And quite by accident, too.
When Corby and I sat at the bar a few weeks ago and discussed the world at large, we spent quite some time on the topic of drunkard’s remorse: that feeling you have the day after drinking of extreme shame and embarassment, even if you know you didn’t do anything unacceptable.
Corby’d never heard the phrase before, but he knew the feeling. I don’t remember where I learned it, maybe from Joe, but it fits. I know they go over it in AA and Al-Anon, in terms of chemical balance in the brain and endorphins and why drunks feel compelled to drink, blah blah blah.
Anyway, Monday I woke up with a horrible case of drunkard’s remorse. I felt stupid and ugly and provincial and obnoxious. I could remember all my interactions with people, so I know I didn’t actually do anything horrible at the reception besides offer a few sloppy kisses to people, but I still felt like they could all have easily been looking at me thinking, “Damn. She’s so stupid and provincial, so obnoxious. And why the hell does she keep repeating herself? I heard her the first time, for chrissakes.”
Note to self: don’t drink on an empty stomach. You’re simply too old for that shit any more.
After waking up feeling like an asshole, I was ready for grease. Brett and I went out to breakfast with Bo at Fairfield Family Restaurant. Then we went back to Bo’s place to watch football. I took a nap on one of his couches.
Brett and I got home around three, I think, and I spent more time messing with my computer and reading Ilium and thinking about knitting. I tried not to dwell on how stupid and ugly and provincial I was feeling. I also didn’t dwell on the dirty dishes so much that they didn’t get done. At 7:30 I made cabbage and noodles and a massive salad, and we ate it from a TV tray in our dark living room in front of Titanic, which, inexplicably, was what Brett was watching. I went to bed early. Today, I merely feel awkward and unattractive. Tomorrow I should be fine. One hopes.
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Oh – yeah. I always get that bad. I usually do or say something stupid though.
Really? I’ve never heard of that term or experienced it myself. But I usually get yogrut before I drink as it will help you be more tolerant of alcohol consumption. And I try to get amino acid after as it will help you digest alcohol and won’t get you any hung over.
Anyhow, I hope you will feel better soon! Have a pleasant (or try) afternoon!
I didn’t used to get it either… I think it started after I entered my 30’s.
Drinking on an empty stomache? I only do that when I want to get blitzed… which really isn’t too often lately.
Lots of times, because I’m busy being Head Groupie before shows start, there’s no time to grab any sort of a meal before the bar opens — so I store a case of Clif bars in my truck.
Of course, this is all changing for me nowadays…