The arrhythmia, it’s here today. I loathe it. I know it’s “just a symptom” of this never-to-be-sufficiently-damned panic disorder, but it still freaks me out when my rib cage lurches. Which makes me panic more, which makes the thumping and bumping worse, which is one never-ending goddamned cycle of utter crap.
I’m sitting here with my knee bouncing because I’m amped and uncomfortable. I’ve been to the bathroom three times in two hours because all this adrenaline acts like a dieuretic. I’m exhausted. I’m bouncing off the walls. I want to cut my head off. I want to go home. I want to take a nap. I can’t focus, and I don’t even care.
Strange human brain trivia: I read a bunch of posts on a panic disorder board, and you know what? Many if not most people suffering from PD are afraid to take pills. How weird is that? Many won’t even take aspirin or Tylenol, they just suffer through whatever pain they’re having. A couple of people mentioned they hadn’t taken an aspirin in years, another said she had a bottle full of Xanax she’d been prescribed but was too freaked to take them, and instead suffered through her panic attacks without using any even though intellectually she knew better. I myself have a couple Xanax in my bag, but I’m afraid to take one… even though I know I’ve taken them before, they’ll probably help, and there’s no reason not to! (Shoot me, now.) I’ve been afraid to take ibuprofin, even… my brain just starts wondering if there’s something wrong with the pills, and I get so anxious about it that I just blow the whole thing off and suffer.
Groan.
I read somewhere not too long ago that many anxiety and panic sufferers have odd fears of poisioning, which is probably why they (we) are afraid of taking pills. I have occasional random thoughts about things I eat or drink along the lines of, “This could easily be poisoned. How am I to know that it wasn’t exposed to chemicals, or improperly handled, or sneezed on?”
The point being not that I’m turning into a total freak, because you already knew that, but that a particular type of chemical imbalance in the body can force the brain to think certain types of thoughts. Too much fight-or-flight hormones causes fear of poisoning?
I find it fascinating.
In a totally “I fucking hate this to death” sort of way.
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I’d call it a self-defense mechanism. You know, to compliment the ‘fight-or-flight’.
If only it was a valid diet aid… I mean, it doesn’t actually stop me from eating (or taking pills), it just makes me think weird thoughts about it! LOL!
I can’t even fathom why a person wouldn’t take something that’s clinically proven to help you out. I’m the kind of person who will readily pop 1500 milligrams of whatever’s available at the first sign of an oncoming headache.
As for being neurotic, I’m prone to making rash decisions and bad judgment calls when something’s on my mind. You’d never have guessed, huh?
Dude. That bites.
I’m a little on edge waiting to see if Adam’s episode was a one-off or what. There’s only room for one crazy person in this family, gol dern it!
Logan: Well, most people don’t get headaches like yours. And no. Rash? YOU?
80: My first episode was many, many months away from the next one. Plus, why have only one crazy when you can have two? Plus, people get over PD if they’re smart enough to re-train their nervous systems… or take their fucking Xanax. Plus, reading the posts of other people’s symptoms at that forum kept me from having an attack today, so I know the nervous system can be retrained not to panic. Plus, it won’t kill him, which implies it will make him stronger.
If you’re not using your Xanax, you can always send them to me. Email me for my mailing address.
Honestly, I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing that. If I were in that much pain, I’d take it.
Please think about taking them. My Mom had severe panic attacks which lead to agoraphobia growing up. She wouldn’t leave our house. Now, after taking Xanax for a while, she no longer has panic attacks. She feels good and is not afraid to go anywhere to do anything.
Just something to think about.
OK, i started like these 9 years ago
One day in the train to university i fell realy bad.
went to the hospital.
-Went home. -OK iam Cool
2 day afther i went to university and i fell sick again
same thing Hospital, home. Cool In Ok
Ok these went for one mouth, repet and repet.
Iam thing god i allawys felling bad Dam, what append to me in that thay????
And soooooo…
Hey these movie call MATRIX sounds cool, i think i go to the cienama with a friend.
Cool iam in the cinema.
🙁 AM COOL iam feeling bad, just like i feell in the train that day
😯 AM i must go HOme
Went home give my ticket to my twin brother, and went to bed.
AND times go by with more and more repeted bad dispositions.
😥 HO I JUST LOVE THAT ARDRENALINE RUNNING TO MY VAINS, MAKING ME FELL EVEN WORTS. Wheres is the WC???
Now its 2005
I better but iam not cured, DAM DO I EVER BEE ME NORMAL AGAIN.
I THINK THE NAME OF THE CONDITION IS A BAD, THE OTHER PEOPLE THINK that panic is related with; oh is affraid of somthing
I don´t have feer or nothing in particakury, my atacks came and goo like a Loto, can be anywhere any place , ant time.
:grin:I sorry about poor english, iam lazzy and Portuguese.
You write in English better than I do in Portugese! I know exactly how you feel – hang in there!