My redneck husband dragged me to a 1:30 matinee of The Dukes of Hazzard.
It was so totally latent.
During the out-takes at the end credits, while Willie was singing the theme song, we:
- Saw Johnny Knoxville’s bare ass (surprize!)
- Heard Seann William Scott say (about Johnny), “He’s showing me his balls!”
- Saw Scott get stuck (during a cyclone fence-climbing scene) hanging upside down by his left ankle, and Knoxville took the opportunity to thrust his groin at Scott’s mouth and began to undo his fly
- Rip Taylor, who wasn’t even in the movie, was in one of the outtakes… in bed with Knoxville and two starlettes.
Oh, and there were, of course, a bunch of excellent, unuseable car crash-landings, which made me go, “Oh damn!” out loud a couple of times.
Jessica looked weirdly ‘perfect.’ She’s… surreal. She’s, like, plastic. She doesn’t even jiggle. Aren’t girls supposed to jiggle, or are they all supposed to look like boys with implants these days? Her characterization was good, though. She is cute. And Willie was adorable, of course, and so was Burt.
All in all, it was a wholly mediocre movie. I would have liked it better on pay-per-view. I wish I’d seen Willie Wonka instead, but it was nice to get out of the house. We ate Icees, popcorn, Butterfinger Minis, and Junior Mints. I’m lucky I’m not shaking too hard to type.
Brett said, “I can’t believe you didn’t like that movie!” and threatened to make me walk home from Ottumwa. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it,” I said, “I’m just saying it was totally gay. But then again, so was the original series.”
“Well, it was still funny as hell,” he said.
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Seeing Johnny Knoxville thrust his groin at Scott’s mouth is enough to make me go see this movie. I’ll literally sit through the entire thing just to see that.
It’s a long shot, Not like a close-up or anything. But you can hear Scott saying, “No! Get it away!” It’s pretty fucking funny, actually.
And throughout, both boys are wearing nice tight jeans, which is why I agreed to even go in the first place. I mean, if Mr. Brett was going to see Jessica’s tits, I was going to see some jean-clad ass and that’s just that.
Snort!
It’s funny that you instantly associate tight jeans with ass bubbles because I on the other hand automatically think of a different feature.
(I like living near farm boys. Yeehaw!)
And here is where you associate being gay with something terrible. đŸ˜¡
Honestly I can’t believe you spent good money on that piece of tripe. One could tell from the previews that it’s not even worth watching on cable, let alone video rental.
But to call it GAY? If anything, it was straight! I don’t think any homo had a hand in anything with that movie. Except for the actors. I think they’re both queer.
Bad movie=gay movie indeed.
Oh, whoa, Jon. The overtones were, for me, the best part of the movie – Jessica’s plastic tits held little appeal. (Next to teasing my brutally straight husband about loving it, of course.) And yeah, I think both the actors are totally queer – that was my point. The amusement comes from the idea that nothing could be straighter than good-ol’-boys Dukes of Hazzard… but that just don’t seem to be true, now does it.
And yeah, I can’t believe I spent money on that crap either. I would have seen Chocolate Factory if it had been up to me.
I wasn’t associating badness with gayness. I was associating gayness with gayness. I mean, watch it when it comes on TV. For real.
Note that there’s a scene where the Duke boys are walking across a university campus. Three or four sexy co-eds grin at them, then a cute boy blows them a kiss. One of the Duke boys then says, “Well, you gotta keep an open mind.” So this bastion of straightness, this straight-boy cultural icon of a shit-kicking gas-burning franchise, actually made a point of being gay-friendly.
So there.
Then why didn’t you say that? Calling something “gay” has overtones of being derogatory and bad.
Don’t worry. I plan to blog about this. đŸ˜ˆ
I did say that! It was gay.
I plan to read whatever you blog about this.
Having a so-perfect-it-must-be-plastic body is totally gay, at least in my neighborhood. Which, come to think of it, makes my body the one thing about me that isn’t gay. Go figure.
I was addicted to the show when I was a kid. My parents were pleased as they considered it a lone sign of potential heterosexuality in my future. Of course, they didn’t think I might have been watching it every week hoping the boys would take their shirts off.
That’s exactly why I watch it today. (Brett likes to watch it during dinner, but only if it’s Bo & Luke. We don’t watch the Coy & Vance episodes.)