In which this shit really happens.
“But it worked yesterday!”
The fact that something works today does not guarantee it will work tomorrow.
Have you ever had an appliance that quit working? Computers are like that. One day it works, the next day it blows up. Shit happens.
“But everything else works fine.”
This is exactly like telling your mechanic that you can’t have a bad water pump because your electric windows still work.
“It all started when we switched to your service!”
Wrong. We didn’t provide you with any software, and we made no changes to your machine. You made changes to your machine.
Switching from one access number to another did not and could not cause your alleged hardware and/or software failure. Correlation does not imply causation.
Also: you’re stupid and know nothing about any of this, so quit being so intensely belligerent.
“Well, it’s NOT THERE. MY computer doesn’t have that.”
Bullshit. Every copy of Windows 7 in the entire world has a Control Panel. You either can’t see, can’t read, aren’t even trying, or have previously fucked up your default settings (which means I don’t have to support you).
I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’. Shut up and listen.
“I found it!”
You did no such thing. I found it. I’ve been telling you for the past three minutes to “click on the Start button and then select Control Panel from THE RIGHT-HAND COLUMN.” It took you this long to focus yourself and try.
“I know nothing about computers. I’m a computer geek.”
Actually, you’re the opposite, dear. But I do appreciate your honesty. Can I get you to click on the blue E?
“I’ve been calling all weekend! I’ve left FOUR MESSAGES and NO ONE has called me back!”
I checked the logs for your number, and I process all the weekend voicemail personally. What actually happened is that you called once and you did not leave a message asking for a call back. You, ma’am, are a liar.
“Still no internet. This is the fifth time I’ve called.”
You didn’t leave your name, and the number you left is not associated with an account, so I cannot look up your connection or run tests on it. I searched the VoIP logs for the past 72 hours and no one, particularly not you, called four times. When I returned your call, you said you’d “spoken with Barbara” (we don’t have one here) and that she “wasn’t in tech support.” You are either clinically insane or a liar.
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#technical #support #lusers
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So we use SOX compliance for password resets, account unlocks etc. We have a list of security questions that we ask, that the employees enter in and I love it when they say “Oh, I wouldn’t have picked that question” “Well, we’re not the CIA so we wouldn’t have the answer unless you picked it AND answered it.” I’ve also had someone answer the city they were born in with 4 different cities…all wrong. I’ve talked to someone who’s actually in IT, should know how this works and had the question “name a pet that you’ve had” and he outright refused to start naming pets saying he wouldn’t have chosen that. “Look, just start naming pets, even if you had 20 pets as a kid just give me names and I’m sure you’ll have the right answer eventually” Another pet peeve is when someone says “Can you fix it so it doesnt break again” “Sure, right after you show me someone that can fix a car so that nothing on it breaks ever” It’s technology, it WILL BREAK. We can fix it, and we do so just deal with having to listen to me breathe for 5 minutes while I fix your issue.
People are so fucking weird. -m