I am pleased to announce that I have begun my Quest for a Tan 2005 with a lovely foundation sunburn. (And before you all lecture me about skin cancer, please know that I only do this every three or four years, and I rarely succeed in getting very far because it gets so damn hot and sticky in Iowa that lying out becomes a form of such hideous self-torture that not even the desire to be a delicious nut brown can get me motivated.)
Around eleven this morning I put on my hideous off-the-rack string bikini (which was designed to fit a mannikin and no human woman that ever lived, but it’s a string bikini so it’s quasi-adjustable), and took my spray suntan oil (SPF, like, probably a negative number) and a blanket out into the yard/orchard. I spent three or four sessions out there today in ten or twenty minute intervals and have achieved that loftiest of goals: A TAN LINE. Yes! Well begun is half done, as they say!
On my front, that is. I didn’t expose my back to the sun due to the new tattoo still settling in there. And while I do have a couple of red, rather itchy areas upon my person, I DON’T CARE. BECAUSE I HAVE TAN LINES.
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Actually, I heard today that several recent studies confirm that god did not make a mistake–sun IS good for you. Vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, helps fight cancer, including some forms of skin cancer. So throw THAT at your well-meaning photophobic friends! đŸ™‚
I get too restless laying out, but I like the way it feels on my skin. However, you would not find THIS sista in a string bikini. Oh no. Maybe a mini-mumu.
Living out in the sticks as I do, I could actually lay out naked. But I like the tan lines; they show progress. đŸ˜‰
Ew sun…No thanks!
Jon, you’re a red head. Of course you don’t like the SUN. Silly boy.
I.AM.NOT.A.REDHEAD!
My beard is the only red part on my bod. But you know what they say…hehehe