God I want to dig up enough cash for tattoos this weekend! Seriously! The last time we went to Chicago, Brett got his famous cartoon tat (of the terrified nail running away from the mean scary hammer) but I got only a simple Japanese character. This time I want this (or maybe this) in the middle of my back. I’ve been wanting to get this tattooed on my body for at least six years now AND THIS IS THE TIME, DAMN IT!

So today I’d like to vent about being broke. Broke, broke, broke. Ugh. I hate it. We’re so cash-poor right now I can’t even explain how cash-poor we are.

Suffice it to say that several bills are excruciatingly late, and I hope they don’t turn off my cell before I get paid on the 16th. And no, I have no idea how we’ll even afford gas to go see Todd this weekend in Chicago, let alone the hotel, food, drinks, and the tattoos we both need.

I guess I shouldn’t bitch; we haven’t been this flat broke in ages. And I’m still only working part-time – it’s not so bad I’ve had to think about another P/T job or anything.

Brett and Jimbo are working a job and are being paid from Canada. They’ve turned in two bills and haven’t seen any payment yet, and when they do it will be in the form of an International money order (which means they’ll probably have to wait a week for the funds to clear before they can actually pay themselves). I suppose I should take some comfort in knowing that Joy is probably feeling quite as broke as I am, since her hubby hasn’t been paid in as long as mine hasn’t!

I guess I’ve become accustomed to being fairly flush for the past few years. I’m out of the kind of mental shape you need to be in to remain sufficiently cavalier about unpaid utilities. If I were an adult, I’d have squirrelled away a fund for times such as these, but I’m not and I haven’t. We’ve got equity, but we tend to spend savings on stuff for the house.

At least I don’t have to buy lunch with quarters today, because Christina has invited Tahmi and me over to her house for sushi and chai. (A tres international menu!) I am so starving and so excited.

Brett explained to me last night that “If your problem is money, you don’t have a problem. You can always get more money.” He’s mildly stressed about not having been paid in weeks, but he doesn’t actually do any of our bookkeeping so he’s not really grokking the stress I’m feeling. I mean, I have a credit card that is hugely overlimit because I keep having to make payments late. Our property insurance is about to lapse. I keep expecting the land line and cellphones to be shut off. And God forbid the satellite should go off; Brett’s nearly intolerable when there’s no TV and he’s only got one mission left in Grand Theft Auto so not even that would keep him occupied. (I suppose there’s enough junk on TiVo to keep him occupied for a week, but he’d probably just follow me around and bug me.)

It’s very Zen, this lesson of money. The mind can freak out about not having any, but the bottom line is that my life looks, feels, and operates EXACTLY THE SAME whether I have $40 in checking or $4000. I still eat, sleep, drive, work, talk, hug, and giggle. The only difference is my mind’s perception: it worries, mulls, stresses, and freaks because it’s a nasty little monkey.

The fact is that there’s nothing to worry about. Soon the money for Brett’s current job will arrive, and after that he and Jimbo will start a fat contract with Schaus-Vorhies as subs and will be bringing home what he describes as “nice checks” (which is smug Brett-slang for “I got them to pay me what I asked for, hehe”) for like six months or so. So in just a short time, a few days at the outside, everything will be monetarily smooth again and no harm done.

But what’s a blog for if not to bitch?