This is Brett’s new schtick. He started it last weekend and hasn’t stopped:
Him: “Muuuuuushlette… know what I’m thinking?”
Me: “What, dear?”
Him: “Bloooooow job.”
Me: “Yeah, right.”
Him: “Know what I’m thinking?”
Me: “What.”
Him: “Bloooooow job.”
Me: “I’m busy.”
Him: “Know what I’m thinking?”
Me: “Yes. Go away!”
Him: “Bloooooow job.”
Me: “Argh!”
Him: “Know what I’m thinking?”
Me: “Have you turned into a three-year-old?!??! Good god, leave me alone you freak of nature!”
Him: “Bloooooow job!”
Me: “You’re driving me nuts!”
Him: “Know what I’m thinking? Know what I’m thinking? Huh?”
Me: “You keep this up you’re never getting another blow job again ever! I am so serious, dude!”
Him: “Mushlette, know what I’m thinking?”
No woman will ever love him. I am so serious.
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Oh man *laugh, cough* that’s rich *snerk*
Mine’s shtick is the hand affixed permanently to my ass no matter what activity I’m currently engaged in or how many rooms he has to follow me through until I acknowledge his desire or hit him.
boys.
Brett likes to try to grab my cooch in public: grocery stores, walking down streets, etc. He’s been doing it for seven years now, so I can scooch away so fast he never manages to make contact (sometimes without even noticing). He’s always asking me *why* I won’t let him PUT HIS HAND IN MY CROTCH IN PUBLIC. Somehow the fact that he’s perfectly willing to pull it out *anywhere*, *anytime* makes me a prude because I’m not. Boys!
Snark!
See, now, I don’t get this.
Yes, I’ll concede that the way the need is being communicated is kinda strange, but still, it’s his need and he’s presenting it to you. I’ll get back to the mode in just a sec.
My main point, tho, is that when the man is focused on you, showing you that he’s desiring of you, wants to share some time with you, it gets contextualized as him being a pest.
Snub that enough, and he’ll end up pointing it at someone else. I bet you’ll even act surprised.
When you married him, when you pinned him down in a monogamous relationship, one of the things you hemmed in was his ability to manage these needs by finding multiple vendors. You have declared yourself the monopoly vendor in the state of your marriage.
If you then begin to complain about being the only vendor in town, you have to wonder about what it is you really want.
See, again, the man’s need isn’t taken seriously–it’s supposed to be some “urge” he controls, and he’s inferior for not being able to control it.
What does it say that both men have been reduced to presenting the need couched in cutesy behavior?
Glad you’re back on the ‘box! Long time no see, baby!
Now:
Not always. Sure, there’s deliberately something of the archetype of the pathetic, de-balled male trying to get some pussy off his irked and frigid wife in this post. But that archetype isn’t funny in and of itself.
The post is funny because the recognizable structure of the archetype is contradicted by the fact that I’m known to be in love with my husband. That the man deserves to state his needs and that I’m the only game in town since I ‘made’ him marry me (hah!)are so self-apparent to the audience I’m writing for that they don’t need to be explicitly stated.
The joke in this post is not that Brett’s needs or his methods of expressing them are stupid. The joke is that he IS being a pest! On purpose! For laughs! And my job as the straight (wo)man in the schtick is to be ‘annoyed’. See?
I do agree with you wholeheartedly that the woman who hates her husband, scoffs at him, rejects him, and trivializes any and every method he tries to communicate *is* an unholy bitch and is destroying her marriage, though.
P.S. Turning down the occasional sexual advance is not carte-blanche grounds for infidelity. People – even husbands – *have* been known to expect or demand sex for no good reason, you know! Like they’re wanting to dump some energy or emotion or anger or boredom.
Getting slammed ’cause my man’s pissed or bored ain’t my wifely duty, thank you very much. I have every right to say no to that. And the so-rejected hubby doesn’t get to go scrag the next available hole just ’cause he didn’t get his way once or twice. If he never gets his way, his wife doesn’t love him. If he wanders because he doesn’t *always* get his way, he’s a selfish prick.
*shrug*