I just read this review of the remake of The Stepford Wives and just wanted to say this: I am so tired of pissed off bitches.

I am certainly against crimes being committed against women! Yet I’m also against crimes being committed against men. And until our modern day pissed off bitches (er, sorry: feminists) can stop seeing the world through the eyes of victimhood, we’re just going to keep turning men more and more into what we’re accusing them of: shallow, simple, selfish jerks.

This feminist review totally misses the point. She says, “The true villain of 21st century Stepford is not an insecure, vengeful man, but a betrayed wife” and just totally doesn’t grok that women are the enemies of women. Women are who make women feel fat and ugly. Competitive women.

I agree with the reviewer’s point that “It is a measure of our progress that thirty years later, Stepford Wives has to be transmuted into an inoffensive romantic comedy in order to see the light of day in Hollywood.” But then she starts to tell me what anti-feminists want, and I immediately feel like giggling.

Feminists: hear me. Anti-feminists don’t want to be airheads. We don’t want to have our opinions and choices removed from us – that’s your trip. We just want to be responsible for ourselves and quit blaming men for everything. Furthermore, we understand that in order to be fully present in our womanliness, we require a trusted protector, and that the only way to obtain and keep a trusted protector is to quit yanking his feet out from under him. Men are, surprise surprize, just as important, valuable, necessary, and delicate as women. Letting one’s trusted protector feel as if he runs the household is hardly condescending nor self-abdicating; to the contrary it makes for a happy man, who in turn makes for a happier woman.

Anti-feminists do not “yearn for the halcyon days when a woman was not required to choose her own identity nor negotiate the consequences of her choices.” Puh-lease. If anything, we yearn for days when women didn’t take on too much water walking around dressed like sluts and being treated the same. We wish manners were still around to protect not only men but ourselves from the dumb decisions of youth. We wish a girl’s unbroken heart was still considered a valuable commodity, higher even than the “right” to dress and act like a slut. Sluts become hard-hearted bitches, because women aren’t like men: meaningless sex is not good for us. And hard-hearted bitches make lousy selfish wives and worse mothers… who in turn raise de-balled sons who treat women like shit. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

The conscious surrendered wife isn’t a victim. She’s a saint; she’s a hero; she’s a real woman. A non-surrendered wife by virtue of putting herself always first will always be distrustful and selfish. It’s just how it works. Surrender isn’t a dirty word, girls. It means you’ve decided to invoke a man’s best by offering the only thing of value there is to sacrifice: yourself. Always holding yourself aloof gets you a man at his worst; they’re not hard-wired to respond to manly women. Why else are all the nagging, weak, crying women married while all the rational, reasonable Spockettes have to troll meat markets for dick?

The article concludes, “Whatever we do, however, there is no guarantee of happiness, there never was — how much ever the hardy band of anti-feminists may insist to the contrary,” and again I wonder who these women are, these oft-quoted anti-feminists who apparently believe another batch of cookies in the oven will help bring on global peace.