In which I don’t get excited and make things, because I’m really more of a theoretical thinker, but I do get excited and LEARN STUFF.

A week ago, I was depressed.

I’m unemployed. I’m worried about being able to get a job here. I don’t have a car and my income is so tight that buying a car seems problematic, and my dog is extremely geriatric so I’d feel bad about doing anything stressful to her like moving. I was sleeping all the time and drinking a lot and feeling useless, misplaced, weak, and without discipline.

Some friends pointed me to an awesome self-help book, the reading of which facilitated my getting my head on straight again, and from there I found the energy, desire, and inspiration to do the other things I need to do.

Long story short, I was using up all my energy telling myself I was lazy and pudgy and common, and feeling guilty about not getting things done, all while knowing that if I’d just walk or do yoga or meditate, because I totally know what I need to do, it would probably help me, but damn if I’m not too big a lump to even to do the things I know intellectually that I really more than ever need to do…

So I quit judging myself – and it was that fucking simple, srsly – and re-remembered that I have access to an inexhaustible well of love. Ta-da! No moar situational depression, anxiety, or panic attacks.

The mind really is a terrible thing. I shit you not.

Since I’m feeling interested again and I’ve got oodles of wonderful, wide-open free time, I’ve been feeding my head. I’ve watched a ton of TED Talks, including most of the newly posted ones and the majority of the ones tagged ‘inspiring.’ I heard from physicists, neurophysiologists, musicians, entrepreneurs, authors, and statisticians, among others.

If you have the time to click some of those links and watch the vids, DO IT. It’s wonderful and amazing to experience what happens to you when you expose your mind to people who love what they do and are really fucking good at it.

I found two free exercise programs online and started them on Monday. (You may have seen me complaining about my quads in my Twitter feed yesterday. zOMG, quads.) I’ve been doing cardio, too, which I traditionally dislike with a white-hot passion. I’d like to say it feels good, but I’d be lying: mostly this is just a nod toward research about bone density and load-bearing activities. Gah! Aging is so not for pussies.

I discovered the Makerbot 3D printer and spent hours learning all about HOW FUCKING AWESOME IT IS because it will totally change the world when people can print out things they need (including other printers) on demand. Imagine the huge reduction of mass manufacturing and expensive transport of stupid little tsotchkes – we’ll just download the patterns and print them out at home. The entire 3D printer community is geeked out, engaged, and on fire. It’s awesome and wonderful to behold people so into what they’re doing.

I had to take algebra twice in high school because maths have never been my strong suit. I get bummed when there’s a formula in whatever paper, article, or book I’m reading because I can’t even begin to parse what all those symbols mean, and I’d like to remedy that but I need remedial instruction. Well, guess what? There’s a free iTunes U high school algebra course, and, strangely, I’ve had a lot of fun whipping through it just for fun. I mean, hey, why not? I’ve got an abundance of that most precious of commodities: time.

I’m up to 446 flair at superuser because I actually am good at what I do, in spite of how low I was feeling about my skills a month ago. Yeah, baby.

I’m making lists of things I enjoy, things I’m good at, and things I want. They’re unfocused and soft but they’re helping anyway. I’m remembering what I used to think of as my purpose and letting it unfurl. I’m remembering that I have always balked at the idea of monetizing most of what I do, and I’m gently unpacking that somewhere in the back of my head while my attention is elsewhere.

I am also making friends like you would not believe; every time I leave the house someone else falls in love with me. (Yes, I know how that sentence reads, but it both lacks ego and is true so I’ll let it stand.) I’ve added six new phone numbers to my cell phone this week alone, and I’m getting these lovely gushing texts and voice mails like I won a Grammy or something and I haven’t even brushed my hair so it’s not like I did anything beyond making space for love.

Last night at open mic, a DJ friend of mine asked if I could build him a website on the cheap. I said I could, and we agreed to meet for coffee in the not too distant future. Then he said, “Dude, I could get you a lot of business from other DJs. They all need sites, but don’t want to drop $2000 to get one. If you could crank ’em out cheap, even if they all had the same layout, I could get you mad business for awhile.”

And I was all, sweet! There’s my Amma money!

Yeah. So. The point is that when you’re unemployed and have the time (and aren’t so depressed that all you consume is media likely to keep you that way) the Internet is FULL OF KICK ASS, FREE, BEAUTIFUL INFORMATION, INSPIRATION, AND EVEN WORK. Do you dig something, need something, want to learn something? IT’S OUT THERE. On the Internet.

Gawd, I simply cannot imagine there ever having been a better era to be alive in.