“6 wks from Last Menstrual Period – Length of embryo measures 4 mm.”

Here’s my weekend.

I went home at lunch on Friday because I couldn’t deal with work. I was still bleeding lightly, and was crazy emotionally. (By crazy, I most definitely wasn’t feeling like me.) My appetite had become moderate; I had no desire to eat more than a small portion of anything. (For instance, I ate half a burrito on Thursday, and the second half of it on Friday. I never do that, I wolf the entire thing in one sitting.)

Saturday, my lower abdomen felt tight. Really tight. I couldn’t do those exercises (Kegels?) if I’d wanted because everything was already as tight as it would get. There was continuous cramping on the right side of my uterus, like a day-long charlie horse. I did some mildly physical stuff, walking around the farm (went to the triangle pond with the dogs) and housework and stuff. I bled heavily for a pregnant woman, but if it were a normal period I would have called it quite light; less than half of a normal period flow. My breasts hurt and there were occasional sharp pains in them.

Sunday I woke up with everything feeling looser, lower. I thought I had certainly miscarried, yet there was still no tissue. Bleeding on Sunday was less, my appetite returned to normal. Cramping was mainly on the right side, but spent a little time on the left, too. The cramping was not like “normal” menstrual cramping for me. It was sustained, intense tension in the muscles around the uterus, and if I was active and engaged in something, I perceived it as pressure, wheras if I was sad or brooding, I perceived it as pain. Sunday evening I felt constipated, probably because I didn’t drink enough water and because of the lack of nicotine.

I had a couple of insane episodes, one Friday night, one Saturday night. None Sunday, and again today I feel fairly sane.

I woke up this morning convinced at first that I’m no longer pregnant, but now I’m not sure. There’s still a subtle feeling of fullness in the uterus, the breasts are still vaguely tender, and there’s still some tightness in the muscles on the right side (my right) of the uterus. However, the blood smells very different from normal menstrual blood. It’s got a bright, vinegary, almost metallic odor, versus the usual darker sweeter smell.

I’m trying to find Dr. Blair’s number in the phonebook, but there’s no “doctor” or “OB” section of the yellow pages, and nothing in the white pages. Oh, living in rural Iowa!

Items of a miscarriage (from an iVillage article): “…The ‘sac’ could well have been the early amniotic sac. ‘Grey’ material is generally the ’tissue’ part (the embryonic portion) of the miscarriage. ‘Debris’ or small dark coffee ground material is usually the decidual tissue (placental or endometrial) and the large shiny red pieces are mostly likely blood clots. If the pieces are homogeneous and break apart easily, they are clots; if they resist breaking down, they are probably tissue.”

I also read that having three first trimester miscarriages would make me a candidate for lots of testing if I were seeing a doctor for fertility. Sigh. I list here my miscarriage history:

1988 – clinical abortion at about ten weeks
1990 – spontaneous very desired miscarriage at about one week late (psychic abortion?)
1995 – spontaneous miscarriage at possibly three months; I’d had what I thought were ‘normal’ but light periods, in the third month I had very heavy bleeding and passed a sphere of tissue, about an inch in diameter, white and fibrous, filled with clear fluid, and symptoms of severe depression abated after that
1998 – possible ectopic pregnancy, bled for over a month, sharp pain in one side of abdomen
1999 – clinical abortion
2000 – positive pregnancy test, spontaneous miscarriage, period was about a week late
2001 – spontaneous miscarriage, period was about a week and a half late
2002 – positive pregnancy test 3/31/02, spontaneous miscarriage at six weeks

I am confident that there were a couple more very early miscarriages too, but the symptoms were slight.

From WebMD: “In a missed abortion, the fetus has not developed or has died, but pregnancy tissues have not been expelled from the uterus, and the woman may not have the typical symptoms of a miscarriage…

“If you are pregnant and bleeding vaginally, your doctor will probably use an ultrasound to help assess whether your pregnancy is healthy. An ultrasound can help determine whether there is a fetal heart beat and whether the amniotic sac (which surrounds a fetus) is normal. Ultrasound can also help determine whether the pregnancy is ectopic (occurring outside the uterus, such as in one of the fallopian tubes) and whether you may have spontaneously aborted one fetus in a multiple pregnancy.”

Books on miscarriage:
-How to Prevent Miscarriage and Other Crises of Pregnancy
By Stefan Semchyshyn and Carol Colman New York : Macmillan, c1989.
-Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream.
By Sherokee Ilse and Linda Hammer Burns Wintergreen Press, copyright 1985. -Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News
By Jonathan Scher and Carol Dix. New York : Harper & Row, 1990.

KEOSAUQUA HOSPITAL

Van Buren County Hospital
Dr. Blair
Po Box 70, Keosauqua, IA 52565
(319) 293-3171

Now I feel weird. I have to call the HOSPITAL and be like, ‘Um, I need to make an appointment with a Dr. Blair, but I don’t know where he works. Can you help me?’ How gay is that! I guess I’ll call Joy or Reni for the number.
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