“A first trimester ultrasound is considered an essential part of pregnancy care.”

So yesterday was WEIRD. Brett called me at a bit before noon ask me to meet him at Jim & Joy’s. I’d been a little insane in the morning, in the sense of my ‘no no no no’ fit when Gerri came in and asked me to deal with a customer, but I thought I had it all together. Right before I left for lunch, I went to the bathroom… and there was blood. Not a lot, in retrospect, but at the time I thought that my period was starting, that I was miscarrying. So I went and got in the Jeep and drove circuitiously to Revelations, where I thought to get some soup. While parking, the Jeep started going THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK! I thought, ‘Great, now the fucking car’s going to break, I’m bleeding, I feel like crying, and I NEED SOME SOUP.’ I started walking to Revelations but turned around and got back in the Jeep and drove sort of toward Jim & Joy’s… but ended up going home. I had chills so I ran the heat at max the whole drive home.

When I got home, Joe was there for some reason, but that’s another story. I sniffled myself to sleep after getting into bed, and woke at 1:00 when Brett called my cell phone. I didn’t answer it, but I got up and went downstairs and worked up the nerve to call him back and tell him that I was home, spotting, and freaking out. I’ve never been so weird in all my life as I was to him on the phone, but I really couldn’t help it. I wanted him to come home — well, I did after he offered to — but I was too embarassed to actually HAVE him come home. He said he loved me at the end of the call and I nearly lost my mind. I was having a bonafide psychological episode. Ack! It’s so weird to be insane!

I had an hour-long crying jag. It was crazy, there’s no better word to describe it, I just could not stop bawling. I slept much of the afternoon. I woke up and read. I put on a pad. I called Brett around five and asked him to bring me a burrito. I talked to Chloe on the phone. They finally got home around seven, with burritos and chips & salsa and Tamarindo soda. We ate, we talked, Brett told us about his shitty morning and Bacher’s dog getting killed by a heartless roo bitch who not only didn’t stop but didn’t apologize when tracked down and confronted at the Raj. After awhile, I gave Chloe and Jay $20 and they went to the Conoco to get a movie. I asked Brett to come upstairs and cuddle with me, and he did. And we laid in bed and cuddled and I had another half-hour stint with insanity, crying and laughing and crying and laughing, and Brett told me that it was normal, that spotting is okay, that he loves me and the baby (“Weird how you can love someone you haven’t even met”), that I’ll be a good mom, that I’m not going to lose the baby, and that everything’s alright. HE IS SO GOOD. Who knew? I certainly had no idea he’d be the VERY guy you design in your mind when you’re twenty: loves you, loves that you’re pregnant, loves touching your belly, finds the whole thing completely sexy, holds and comforts you and tells you you’ll be a great mom because you have such a wonderful heart. OMYGAWD. Who knew? He’s the most wonderful thing EVER, IN THE HISTORY OF ALL WONDERFUL THINGS.

We ended up not getting up to see the movie. I’ve been getting so much sleep that I actually wake up before Jay leaves for work!

Chloe said her mom said she SPOTTED THE WHOLE FIRST TRIMESTER when pregnant with Chloe, “and look at me! I turned out okay!” We all laughed and Brett said, “Oh, no!”

So. I’m far too crazy to not be pregnant. Yesterday was a series of fucking psychotic episodes. (I love my husband.) Spotting is normal. I’m okay, the pregnancy is okay. Everything is okay. And I won’t stay insane forever; it’ll go away eventually… just about the time I’m big and fat and can’t move. Hah!

Ultrasounds: “According to the National Center for Health Statistics, about 2.5 billion ultrasounds were done in 1997, representing 64 percent of all pregnancies. Hospitals typically charge $240 for an ultrasound, but reimbursements can be as low as $38, with health plans usually covering one or two ultrasounds.”

“The typical office ultrasound can be done for very simple things, such as detecting a heartbeat or locating the placenta or fetus position, but malformation work-ups should be done in an expert place. That’s a very serious matter.”

Reni says:
hi there
Mush Mook says:
hello, you!
Mush Mook says:
whassup?
Reni says:
did you tell barb your news yet?
Mush Mook says:
yeah, she’s GEEKED
Reni says:
yay
Reni says:
i bet
Mush Mook says:
I am freaking out
Mush Mook says:
this is fucking weird
Reni says:
yea?
Reni says:
you feel weird?
Mush Mook says:
yeah, people are being so NICE about it, they’re all happy and shit
Reni says:
I know, the bastards
Mush Mook says:
(dude, I’m crazy – just so you know. my hormones are WHACK)
Reni says:
I know dude
Reni says:
trust me i know
Mush Mook says:
I had to take yesterday afternoon off to go home and bawl for a few hours
Reni says:
it’s SO whack
Reni says:
awww Mushlette
Mush Mook says:
I couldn’t go into a restaurant to buy myself some lunch
Mush Mook says:
so I just went home
Reni says:
get ready it just gets weirder
Mush Mook says:
no doubt
Reni says:
in better ways
Mush Mook says:
this can’t last forever ’cause I’d probably starve to death
Reni says:
the first few months is the dog shit though
Mush Mook says:
yeah
Mush Mook says:
I don’t feel sick or anything, I’m just certifiable
Reni says:
then you get all gooshy and comfy
Mush Mook says:
I am totally and completely insane
Reni says:
yes
Reni says:
thats how i was
Mush Mook says:
I have emotions with no triggers
Mush Mook says:
it’s fucking weird
Reni says:
i didn’t get very sick at all
Mush Mook says:
and I’m supposed to keep a fucking JOB like this? how do chicks do it?
Reni says:
it’s blown
Reni says:
I don’t know
Mush Mook says:
but I can’t stay home either, ’cause I obsess
Mush Mook says:
I’m spotting, and spend most of every day convinced I’m miscarrying
Reni says:
you can’t do it if you’re emotional, that’s for sure
Reni says:
I couldn’t work
Mush Mook says:
but I’m too insane to not be pregnant
Reni says:
I spotted
Mush Mook says:
and Chloe’s mom reports she spotted the whole first trimester
Reni says:
for four months
Mush Mook says:
how much?
Reni says:
It would come every couple of weeks
Reni says:
and it would be like a little gush of blood and then really light for a few days
Mush Mook says:
really?
Reni says:
then it wold get brown
Mush Mook says:
that makes me feel SOO much better
Reni says:
I freaked the first time
Reni says:
and then I freaked the worst the second time
Mush Mook says:
you told me about it, once, but I assumed it was later
Mush Mook says:
second trimester or something
Reni says:
it was the beginning
Mush Mook says:
whew
Reni says:
It probably first happened about three or four weeks into the whole thing
Reni says:
once it was really bad too
Reni says:
just be careful with yourself
Mush Mook says:
I am so glad you’re telling me this
Mush Mook says:
Brett’s convinced there’s somebody there already, that it’s a done deal
Mush Mook says:
but when there’s blood, even a little…
Reni says:
I know that one of the times waas because I jumped up off the couch all fast and I felt this little tinge of pain
Reni says:
the next day I bled
Mush Mook says:
WHAT?
Mush Mook says:
dude
Mush Mook says:
I’m not doing SHIT then
Reni says:
some women just can’t be as active
Mush Mook says:
yeah, I guess not
Reni says:
and I was one of them
Mush Mook says:
holy cow dude
Reni says:
yea
Mush Mook says:
it doesn’t REALLY feel like menstrual cramping if I THINK about it, but I keep thinking it DOES because I’m crazy insane
Mush Mook says:
I really shouldn’t be left unattended
Mush Mook says:
it’s pathetic
Mush Mook says:
lol
Reni says:
once i was working at the restaurant and i felt it
Reni says:
i freaked and ran home
Mush Mook says:
I bet!
Mush Mook says:
I would!
Mush Mook says:
dude, you were so on your feet, that’s fucked up
Mush Mook says:
I at least have my own office (I could close the door and cry if I needed to) and a nice chair
Reni says:
robin talked to me on the phone about miscarriages and i laid in bed and cried and told jeremy i would die if i did
Reni says:
and i didn’t
Mush Mook says:
I have the fear BAD because I’ve already miscarried so many times before, which puts me in the high risk category
Reni says:
but i went to the doctor
Reni says:
and that was so good
Mush Mook says:
what’d the doctor say?
Mush Mook says:
he said, “you’re fine, relax” right?
Mush Mook says:
hehe
Reni says:
because he gave me an ultrasound and then i could SEE her
Mush Mook says:
how many weeks was this?
Reni says:
he said “you may not be fine, we’ll check”
Reni says:
this was
Reni says:
hmmn
Reni says:
it was the first visit, this may have been two months possbly 3
Mush Mook says:
I still haven’t gotten a doctor, I can’t decide
Mush Mook says:
how do you choose?
Reni says:
he wanted to see the placentas position
Reni says:
that was his concern
Mush Mook says:
I still don’t know if I’m doing this at home or in Washington
Reni says:
you just choose
Mush Mook says:
ah, yeah, there’s something about them being too low or something
Mush Mook says:
out of the phone book or something?
Reni says:
you should talk to robin, dude, you don’t have to pick her, just use her as a resource
Mush Mook says:
where do you find Robin?
Reni says:
joy sorta chose for me
Mush Mook says:
…and IS there any body else?
Reni says:
you call her
Mush Mook says:
beside Robin?
Reni says:
472 25X2
Mush Mook says:
oh, okay, that makes it easy
Reni says:
yes there is
Reni says:
there is kathy deal in fort madison
Reni says:
and please
Reni says:
please
Mush Mook says:
shit, I feel like crying again
Mush Mook says:
please what?
Reni says:
don’t listen to what tina says about robin
Mush Mook says:
oh, no, I won’t
Reni says:
just take it with a grain of salt
Reni says:
good
Reni says:
robin saved my lif3e dude
Mush Mook says:
you said she say a rough birth and now–since her births were both about five seconds long–she’s freaked, right?
Reni says:
she gave me the juju, you know?
Mush Mook says:
she told you that you could do it
Mush Mook says:
yeah
Mush Mook says:
what would they have done in a hospital? forceps?
Reni says:
c section
Mush Mook says:
what?
Reni says:
guaranteed
Mush Mook says:
really?
Reni says:
yup
Mush Mook says:
’cause her shoulders were crooked?
Reni says:
maybe not a t washington
Reni says:
it just took too long
Reni says:
doctors don’t like to wait
Mush Mook says:
oh, they have to go golfing?
Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
hehe
Mush Mook says:
I think I might go to Washington, that was my first impulse
Mush Mook says:
Brett wants me to do it at home
Reni says:
I had a similar birth to elisabeth’s sister in law, and they sliced her
Mush Mook says:
no shit
Mush Mook says:
I didn’t know that
Reni says:
yea, same everything happened
Mush Mook says:
Charles’ baby
Mush Mook says:
?
Reni says:
same amount of time, same position of the baby
Reni says:
yea
Mush Mook says:
yoga mom?!?!
Reni says:
charles
Reni says:
yea
Mush Mook says:
wtf?
Reni says:
yoga MOM DUDE
Reni says:
see, it just doesn’t matter alot of times what you do
Reni says:
wtf?
Mush Mook says:
wtf = what the fuck
Reni says:
i know what the fuck
Reni says:
it’s not just your karma
Mush Mook says:
it’s the baby’s karma too
Reni says:
you can be the most prpared person on earth and it won’t matter
Mush Mook says:
and dad’s
Reni says:
yea
Mush Mook says:
and the doc’s
Reni says:
everybody
Mush Mook says:
and everybody else
Mush Mook says:
yeah
Reni says:
and you have to push it through
Reni says:
fucken hardcore
Mush Mook says:
they don’t call it labor ’cause you’re resting!
Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
yours was hard
Mush Mook says:
Joy and Tina just pop ’em out
Mush Mook says:
the bastages
Mush Mook says:
lol
Reni says:
seriously though, give robin a call and dr.isles too
Mush Mook says:
yeah
Reni says:
you’ll find out who you like
Mush Mook says:
I have to grow some balls and start doing things
Reni says:
i didn’t do anything for a while
Reni says:
I was lame
Mush Mook says:
I just have this weird disease… I am SOOO uncomfortable with the topic and I have no idea why
Reni says:
but robin can fix that
Mush Mook says:
I just… get hormonal…
Reni says:
she has had like 40 kids
Mush Mook says:
yeah?
Mush Mook says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
forty?
Mush Mook says:
that’s too many
Reni says:
5
Mush Mook says:
hehe
Mush Mook says:
you can’t get a table that big!
Reni says:
they have 7 together
Mush Mook says:
wow
Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
I don’t, really don’t, enjoy being insane
Reni says:
i knpow
Mush Mook says:
I like having a reason to feel like this!
Mush Mook says:
eek!
Reni says:
but think of it like this a bit too, it’s the baby’s energy going through you as well as extra female hormones, it’s gonna feel weird
Mush Mook says:
my main fear is that it’s not going to stick… the bleeding, though light, has been steady for the past couple of days, and although I know it’s normal (happens to 20% in their first trimester) I’m just freaked
Mush Mook says:
and that’s all I can think about
Mush Mook says:
even though I’m supposed to avoid stress
Reni says:
that is why i thought you might like to go see someone or talk to them, cuz i know that would worry you
Mush Mook says:
ugh! how do you avoid YOUR OWN MALFUNCTIONING BRAIN?
Reni says:
lol
Reni says:
i don’t know
Reni says:
you could go see dr.blair just one time
Mush Mook says:
who is that?
Reni says:
he’s our keo guy
Reni says:
he’s mira’s docotr now too
Mush Mook says:
oh, you both went to him?
Reni says:
when joy and i were pregnant she wanted an home birth and was convinced she was goingto use rogin
Reni says:
washington wouldn’t say yes to us that way
Mush Mook says:
by Washington, you mean the OBs?
Reni says:
so she walked into dr.blair’s office and basically said “i am having a homebirth are you willing to back me or not?”
Mush Mook says:
they won’t take you if you’re going to have the baby somewhere else?
Reni says:
and he says sure!
Mush Mook says:
hehe
Mush Mook says:
she’s cool
Mush Mook says:
you just call ’em up and say, I need a prenatal appointment and they say not if you’re delivering at home?
Reni says:
yea the OBs at Wash would only take homebirths done by an Amish midwife named Ann Marie from Kalona
Mush Mook says:
ooh, Amish midwife
Mush Mook says:
how cool is that
Reni says:
yea, what you said, that’s what they say
Mush Mook says:
are there any OBs in Fairfield?
Reni says:
they say “hi these are your choices”
Reni says:
“if you don’t like them call someone else”
Mush Mook says:
right off the bat they say that?
Reni says:
yea there are
Mush Mook says:
maybe I’ll just go do the first one here in town, get some reassurance etc.
Reni says:
well there are family practice docotrs
Reni says:
but you can’t have your baby in FF so…
Mush Mook says:
oh, I guess I could just go to the clinic I go to
Mush Mook says:
no, no way
Reni says:
yea you could
Mush Mook says:
they’d kill me
Mush Mook says:
evil FF hospital, eewwh
Mush Mook says:
do people HAVE babies in FF?
Mush Mook says:
ever?
Reni says:
I just suggested Dr Blair cuz he’s all gentle
Reni says:
lol
Reni says:
no
Reni says:
they all go to ottunwa
Mush Mook says:
there’s no facility?
Reni says:
nope
Mush Mook says:
or just ’cause they’re hacks?
Mush Mook says:
ah
Reni says:
they were so bad, they got no business
Reni says:
hacks
Mush Mook says:
that’s the only thing that makes hospitals bearable, the new babies
Reni says:
i know right?
Mush Mook says:
a hospital without ’em is… icky
Mush Mook says:
THEY HAD ONE AND IT CLOSED?!?!?
Mush Mook says:
are you shitting me?
Mush Mook says:
ohmygawd
Reni says:
no dude
Mush Mook says:
that’s SO fucked up
Reni says:
I know kids that were born ther
Reni says:
today is my birthday
Reni says:
🙂
Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
yeah, Chloe (and my plam) told me that
Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
hey, how’d you make the cake?
Reni says:
you can come over if you want
Mush Mook says:
bowling, yeah?
Mush Mook says:
tonight?
Reni says:
on the emoticon thingy
Mush Mook says:
no, skating?
Reni says:
roller skating
Mush Mook says:
oh, yeah – I see it
Reni says:
maybe
Reni says:
first just food and fun over here
Reni says:
dharm is coming
Mush Mook says:
yey!
Mush Mook says:
I like her
Reni says:
I told her about baby brett
Mush Mook says:
LOL
Mush Mook says:
he’s SO HAPPY
—
Reni says:
I gotta go
Mush Mook says:
aw, okay
Reni says:
the baby is up
Reni says:
i know
Reni says:
I wanna talk
Mush Mook says:
me too
Reni says:
she didn’t sleep for very long
Mush Mook says:
keeps my mind off of the “AM I MISCARRYING?!?!?” mantra
Reni says:
don’t think that
Reni says:
please
Mush Mook says:
I’m trying not to
Reni says:
it won’t help
Mush Mook says:
it’s hard, Rere
Mush Mook says:
I know
Reni says:
you
Mush Mook says:
it’s on autopilot
Reni says:
i know
Reni says:
i know
Reni says:
I did it too
Mush Mook says:
yeah?
Reni says:
yea
Reni says:
bad
Mush Mook says:
you couldn’t stop much either!
Reni says:
no~!
Mush Mook says:

Reni says:
lol
Mush Mook says:
aw, shit
Mush Mook says:
go see that baby, come back ‘n talk to me later… if I’m still here and not home bawling or something
Reni says:
go see tim blair or somebody and you’ll feel better
Mush Mook says:
okay
Reni says:
ok
Reni says:
loll
Mush Mook says:
but it won’t be ’til MONDAY
Mush Mook says:
🙁
Reni says:
come to my party maybe?
Mush Mook says:
yeah, if I can look at people
Reni says:
lol
Reni says:
XOXO
Mush Mook says:
aww, thx
—–