In which I snivel, bitch, and moan.
I am so waterlogged today that I can barely stand being in my own body.
I gained upwards of 15 lbs. this month (guess who totally wasn’t watching her sodium intake in the past month?) and I literally cannot wait for it to go away. I’m grossly bloated and uncomfortable, my feet feel like sausages, and I’m tired and crampy. The Curse will be here any minute.
Old age sucks. I love sodium, damn it, and vodka too, and I used to be able to indulge in both with no side effects! But now? Oh hell no: a few late-night drunken trips to Shari’s and come cycle end I’m bloated up like a corpse left out in the sun.
My wrists, fingers, face, belly, legs, and feet are swollen. My fingers tingle if I hang my hands by my sides for more than a minute. I’m tired. It’s 100 degrees outside and walking over to Main street and back for a sandwich was like hanging out in an oven.
And to add insult to injury, I went to the dentist this morning and my gums are kinda sore, which is really wimpy of me but hey – I’m feeling sorry for myself so might as well be thorough with my litany of misery!
Heh.
The gig Saturday night was fun, but hot. Really hot. Really, really, really hot.
Like, 103 freaking degrees. And the stage? Was a black flatbed semi trailer in a parking lot under no cover whatsoever. KJ forced me to take a bottle of SPF 45 that probably saved my life (and the necks and ears of the rest of the band as well).
We traded sets with another band for five hours. Curtis nearly went into heat shock but was saved by a cold towel, a generous application of ice cubes to his wrists and earlobes, and an ibuprofen. I drank a lot of water and a quite possibly more vodka than one would generally drink under such conditions. My cute boyfriend and Curtis’ cute girlfriend got pretty trashed and danced with me during the other band’s sets.
Sunday I made KJ drive me around in the relentless heat so I could spend all my gig money at Walmart and Andy’s. I bought food and a floor fan and HABA items. We spent much of the day in Kaje’s basement, where it was coolest, lounging on the couch in front of the new fan. I read. He blogged. We ate chips & salsa. I napped.
For dinner, he made portabello burgers. Then I read. He blogged. Later we gossiped about people. Then I bitched about being bloated (he poked my ankles and knees and said “Oh, weird! gross! cool! your skin’s full of water!” noises). I made him take me home at midnight, because I had a dental appointment at the ass crack of dawn (9:20 am) today.
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Looks like your uterus is not going to give you a break until it dries up and you grow hair on your upper lip and your metabolism changes and the weight gain is not water weight but full blown fat which comes even though you have not changed your diet or habits one little bit.
The other side is not pretty, either. I’m just saying.
I’m fat, going bald, and getting nose hair. And I’m not even 40 yet, so shut up. -m
yay, for water, except the water that hangs out in our bodies making us feel like we’re walking hot water bottles. i hope it drains off soon and you can fit more comfortably in your shoes.
Me too! And I’m gonna be a good girl with the hydration and the sodium, because this bloating shit isn’t funny at all. -m
I don’t know if it was intentional, but I imagine it was because your site never ever has typos that I’ve seen…. I think it’s awesome that you used just an apostrophe when you wrote “Curtis’ cute girlfriend”, not a double s. Double possessive esses just piss me off. (Damn. that was a lot of double esses!) Is that how you spell the plural of S? I don’t know…
I tend to use British spellings and punctuation. I can’t prove it but I’ve got it in my head that the Brits would write Curtis’ girlfriend rather than Curtis’s girlfriend. But I could be full of shit. Anyone know? -m
And I hope the Curse comes, goes and leaves you alone and all the bloating goes away SOON.
Yay! Bloating SUCKS. -m