In which there’s an actual reason for it.
The short version: I went to the gynecologist yesterday, and it turns out I have a giant fibroid in my uterus and need to have surgery within the month.
The long version contains way TMI and (to protect those of you who don’t want to know any more about my uterus than you already do) is concealed after the break!
—————–
Yeah. I know, right? So here’s how it happened.
My stress level is pretty damn high – what with the move across the country, the dead jeep, the massive debt, the brand new job, the new town, and the new living situation – so let’s just say that maybe I was just a little constipated. The night before last I was sitting in that most sacred of chambers reading a book.
During that process, I noticed a sensation where I am not accustomed to having a sensation. It felt like there was something… well, something in my vagina. And I wasn’t doing anything like that, no, not at all.
Being nothing if not an enterprising woman, I stuck my finger in there. And there was something there. My heart stopped for a second, but started again. WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!???! AND WHAT IS IT DOING THERE?!??!?!?
I finished up, took myself to the privacy of my room, laid on my back, and did a little self-exam. There’s tissue in there where there shouldn’t be tissue. It’s smooth and a lovely body temperature and whatever it is, it SHOULD NOT BE THERE.
I freaked out, went downstairs, and talked to Gramma. She suggested I might calm down and sleep on it, and call a health care professional the next day. I took her advice.
The next day I called a local clinic and asked to speak with a nurse. After our discussion, the clinic wanted to see me that same day. I left work half an hour early and went to have an exam.
During the pre-exam interview, I told both the nurse and the doctor about how terrible my periods are, and they both suggested hormonal management. Neither even suspected fibroids, even though I have every single symptom in the book: drastic changes, heavy bleeding, pain, PMS, blah blah blah.
I digress.
I got into the stirrups and the nice doctor took a look, and guess what? I have a fibroid protruding from my uterus, through my cervix, and into my vaginal canal.
For real.
How awesome is that! I mean, if I didn’t always feel perfectly beautiful and gorgeous, I’m quite certain that the very idea OF A FREAKING TUMOR TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM MY FUCKING UTERUS would be a little daunting, but thank God that’s not the case for me.
*bangs head on desk*
The doc took a biopsy, and I’ll have the results Tuesday. Taking into consideration that I’ve never had a bad pap and the whole array of my OBVIOUS FUCKING FIBROID TUMOR SYMPTOMS, I’m pretty sure it’s a fibroid and not the Big C or anything.
If the biopsy comes back saying it’s a fibroid, I have to get the thing out within the month, the doc says, because I’m likely to get an infection walking around like this… not to mention that my periods – like the one I’m on now – will continue to totally suck ass until the thing is removed.
I’m all for the surgery and I wish it could happen tomorrow. The catch, though, is that I have no savings and no insurance and I need to have surgery within 30 days. Most insurance companies won’t cover preexisting conditions anyway, and even if they do there’s a 6 to 12 month waiting period. I’ll be researching to see if I’m eligible for any kind of state or Federal aid, and failing that, well, I’ll be borrowing several more thousand dollars from some poor family member.
*sigh*
I’m already fifteen hundred dollars in debt to one relative for the whole jeep debacle. Yay. (Do call me if you want any jeep parts, ’cause I totally have some.) And I’m not even thinking about the rest of my debt, because what’s the point of that when I have a MONSTER escaping from my UTERUS!!!?!?!
My stress level is bouncing around a lot, and I go from feeling utter relief that finally I have a reason for all this PAIN, to freaking the hell out because WHAT IF AFTER THEY REMOVE IT, IT COMES BACK AGAIN?!?! OMFG THIS SUCKS!!!!
Yeah. Well. My uterus. Home of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiil!
This topic surely deserves a longer, grosser, funnier entry, but I’ve been sitting at this desk all day and really want to get out of here. (Still don’t have a connection at home, but soon, my babies, soon.) Feel free to tell everyone about the monster escaping my uterus, and don’t hesitate to call me and say, “OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!” Because that’s totally what I’m saying. TOTALLY.
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Wow!!! that deserved the proper use of the cap shift.
that’s amazing and scary all at the same time. i wish you lived in canada. at least that way you wouldn’t have to worry about the cost of the surgery.
all i can do is hope to win the lottery (an ongoing hope) and send reiki to you. since i have no control over the lottery and you don’t live in canada, i’lm sending you reiki.
I wish I lived in Canada too! NEXT DOOR TO YOU! *smooch* -m
I am happy that you know the cause of your periods from hell. As for the money, crap. You hauled your ass cross country in a POS jeep. In the end, things fell into place. You made it HOME. I think the fibroid story line will be the same.
Like I said I AM HAPPY that you know the cause of the painful curse. Now get it taken care of. If I had a million bucks I’d throw some your way. You don’t want to know what my debt is. GAH.
xxoo
My debt doesn’t bear thinking about. Suffice it to say it SUCKETH. I just don’t want to add yet more debt to my load… I’ll die before I’m debt free, at this rate. -m
Holy cow. It’s trying to escape and take over the world! Bleh.
EEEK! UTERUS MONSTER! DUH-DUN-DUUNNNHH!!! *lol* -m
oh mush, there is an answer! i feel like you just knew there had to be something. so interesting too that it is all surfacing now that you are back home.
sending you so much love…i am glad you are with gramma right now.
xoxox
xoxoxo -m
“Yeah. Well. My uterus. Home of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiiil!”
Great. Now I have tea in my nose.
Yay! That’s what I was after.
Damn, girl! You do not do things halfway. If you’re going to get a fibroid, it will be the most impressive fibroid in the world!
Seriously, is there anything we can do for you?
Love me! 😉 -m
Wow. Damn.
What they all said.
What’s the monster’s name? (Yeah… I name shit… like the mole on my chin…)
I call it… Tim? -m
This is true, vaginas are the tools of Satan. Now you understand my reluctance to have anything to do with them 😀
I hope it works out though–let me know what (if anything) I can do from here.
I suspected that you might have more than just periods from hell. I think I even commented to that effect. At least now, you know, and it can be taken care of.
Much love, Mush.
Dear god woman!
My thoughts are with you and your uterus. Hopefully it’ll leave you alone for a while after this.
xoxo
I have been through this too.
Okay, it wasn’t actually me. It was a relative of mine. I was just trying to be dramatic.
Stay strong!
Once they remove the Giant Fibroid from Hell, will you be able to keep it in a jar on your desk? Because that would be AWESOME! and GROSS! and Like the BEST CONVERSATION PIECE EVER! EVER!
Wish I had some spare bucks to throw your way, but I can only send lots of lurve and smooches.
you’ll probably qualify for wa state medicaid; i don’t think they have a ‘minimum time abiding w/in the state’ req. or anything like that.
but YAY that there’s a reason for all the uterine suffering! i hope the removal makes life easier for you in that arena. 🙂
Damn woman. Don’t you know when to relax?
I hope this ends the crazy cycles and all will be just hunky dory in a few more weeks.
Like others have said, I have no cash to send ya, but anything else I can do?
You have my digits.
I am really sorry to read about this (and I read it in its entirety). If you had insurance at your old job, you should be covered by COBRA for the in-between period of the old insurance ending and your new insurance being covered.
Good luck — If we lived closer, I would buy you a drink.
wow. say it with me, “aum~”
i know i’m nothing like that hugging lady-guru, but i send you many many cyber hugs.
and quoting from “avenue q,” in a reference to gary coleman, “it sucks to be you.”
and again quoting from that wonderful tony award winning musical, “Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy, And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me… Happy! Sorry, Nicky, human nature- Nothing I can do!
It’s… Schadenfreude! Making me feel glad that I’m not you.”
sing it with me: “Schadenfreude!”
i know… i’m a bitch.
but for what it’s worth, i have concrete evidence that the female genitalia is from satan. thank you for that.
;o)
wishin’ you well.
*singing* Schadenfreude! -m
Oh, dear. I hope things turn out okay with this darlin’.