You may be aware that my favorite recipe of all time is the one for Black Turkey, because it’s just plain fun reading.

Well, I may have found a runner up!

Best Fruit Cake Ever

4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
lemon juice
2 sticks butter
1 cup brown sugar
Nuts
1 or 2 quarts whiskey

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead. select a large mixing bowl, measuring bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again, as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer beat 1 cup of butter in large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality. Cry another cup. Open second quart if necessary. Add two arge leggs, 12 cups of fried druit and beat till high. If duit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, thecking for tonsicisity. Then sift 2 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn’t matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and mix well. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the whiskey and go to bed.

Anon E. Muss