Okay, so maybe it’s a little bit more a burn line than an actual tan line, but the lineness remains unchallenged. The itching, you’ll be pleased to learn, is minor. And I’m not red. Er, not all over. Some of me is brown. BROWN, I say.

I am so laying out on Friday. Maybe even on the pond. I’ll have to buy a new floatie, since last year’s are all crumpled up at the edges of the pond leaking toxic plastic waste into the water and no doubt creating three-eyed fish…

…no, wait. The pond is smack dab hard on the edge of a thousand acres of commercially cultivated cropland. Any three-eyed fish in residence certainly won’t be the result of letting a couple of plastic floaties overwinter in the pond. But I really do need to get up there and collect the dead floaties and throw them away, I’m such a horrible land steward.