In which it was really exciting there for a minute, but then my hopes were dashed.
I found a job under Tech Support on craigslist. It looked good. I scrolled down to the bottom of the page and clicked the link to apply for it. After I finished the online quiz – five fairly interesting but slightly dated tech questions I answered with the help of my boyfriend, Google – but before I was able to upload my résumé, my netbook halted and I had to reboot. I tried to finish the job application afterward, but the site wouldn’t let me back in nor would it let me start over.
Fast forward a week, and I get the following email:
Your name and email came through on our JobVite system notifying me that you applied for our Solutions Center Engineer position and have passed our initial essay quiz; however, your information is incomplete in our system. If you are still interested in this position can you please complete your profile on our site or send me a copy of your resume?
Oh boy, can I! I get all excited and email my résumé. It’s a telecommuting job; I’d get to work from home. The main company’s in Seattle and I’d have to go there for training, but that’s no biggie. Tech support from home! Talk about an excellent solution to my employment/location issues! Before the day was out I had two phone interviews scheduled for today.
I went and read through the employer’s entire site. I learned they’re solvent and growing and in desperate need of technicians. I even joined their forum and answered a bunch of support queries. For free.
I went to bed early and got up early. By nine o’clock this morning I had dressed, eaten, and even made my bed. I had a mug of tea and I was sitting in front of my computer with my Bluetooth headset on, ready to go.
First thing the caller says is that I need to be in front of a computer, ideally with a headset on, so that I can search for answers. Since I hadn’t been told any of this, I was pretty thrilled with myself for being so insightful. Then he proceeds to start off with a question I don’t know the answer to (“Name at least five ways programs can autostart with Windows, in addition to the Startup folder”), followed by two more (“What does it mean to back up the registry?” and “Are you an expert in msconfig?”) to which I have to answer, “I don’t know,” and “No, I’m currently not.”
There are five ways Windows starts applications? Okay. I didn’t know that. I figured there were two: launch the app at startup, and do not launch the app at startup. I mean, an app’s either in the startup list or it isn’t, right? I told the interviewer that while I was furiously googling “how does Windows launch applications?” and giving great phone (“Typically, when I’m looking something up, I chat with the customer so they don’t have to listen to dead air, but in this context I don’t really have any small talk,” I say. The interviewer says, “We just put them on hold,” which tells me they don’t give a shit about customer service and are probably metric-oriented. Hmm).
I’m not a registry jock; I’ve spent ten years working for ISPs telling people to take their virus-infested shit someplace else for removal. I’m in my own computer’s registry maybe twice a year, and in customers’ registries, like, six times in the entire past decade. Pretty much every employer I’ve ever had has considered registry edits to be a liability nightmare and consequently I haven’t learned much on the topic.
I tell the interviewer all this, admit that I don’t believe that I understand the gist of his last question, and then qualify that I can learn whatever I need to know pretty much right away. He brusquely tells me that I can’t. “There’s a three-day training for this position, and it presupposes a deep knowledge of registry issues,” he says. “To remove viruses that are so new AV apps aren’t defending against them, you need to understand how programs start with Windows and cut them out surgically.”
Ah. It’s a full-time virus removal job. Yuck.
While the job description does say, “Troubleshooting Windows XP platform to registry level,” it doesn’t emphasize that quite enough, IMO: there’s a bunch of other stuff on there that I’m actually really good at. I think it should say, “We do massive quantities of zero-day virus removal and we need registry phreaks. Your apprehension of TCP/IP is pretty much irrelevant to us because people call their ISPs for that shit.”
The interviewer somehow managed to make me feel stupid – I’m not! I p0wn support! – when he said, “Well, we really need people who actually know how Windows works, so I see no reason to continue this evaluation. I thank you for your time–”
“Your job description,” I interrupted, “says that you’re looking for responsible phone techs with networking skills and the ability to set up and troubleshoot LANs and peripherals. But what I’m hearing now is that you actually just do remote virus removal all day? Is this correct?” He affirms. I really don’t want to remove viruses for a living, but I’d been really excited yesterday and now I feel uncomfortable and belittled, like I’m wasting his time when his company called me for an interview. He starts to conclude the conversation again. I childishly interrupt again and invite him to have a nice day. The interview terminates.
Oh, well. At least I don’t have to remove viruses for a living.
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I’m sorry to hear about that dear! I had my first interview for a real time position since I graduated college (Spring 2008) just YESTERDAY!
I know sumfing will come up. And if it doesn’t just knock their socks and shoez off wiff your expert vocals. When they are footwear-less, run off with them and sell ’em @ a pawn shop. Problem solved!
1. I hope you get awesome results from your awesome real time position interview yesterday.
2. Thanks! You. Are. AWESOME. -m
I remember pitching you a similar virus removal job in CR, it might of been because I wanted to get you in the sack but I digress, you do not want to do “virus removals” as it’s a pain in the ass. Most times employers have a set of tools they give you access to use which are complete and utter mediocre and the tools that really do remove viruses like malwarebytes, combofix, Ice Sword you are told not to use because the company hires “customer service” oriented people and not techs. Then you have the fact that if you work for an antivirus company that does virus removals the users are so indignant that they got a virus with your software, nevermind the fact that they were on the internet and a quick run of cleanup452 shows they’ve been surfing porn with the autopilot mindlessness and clickhappiness of a fucking 3 year old. Oh and when you tell them that the tools you’re forced to use make the virus removal process 4 hours and that you need someone there because you can get disconnected from the remote session they threaten to leave. But you do get to know the windows registry intimately which if you can remember a linux/unix/BSD directory structure you can master the windows registry. Good luck! Something will come your way.
Yeah, I don’t think removing viruses for a living sounds all that awesome; if I’d known that’s what the gig was I wouldn’t have applied. The job description made it sound like support with some virus removal. Oh well. Good to hear from you. *smooch* -m
Yeouch, sorry to hear how the interview went. The guy sounds like a douchebag! Just keep on trekking, I hope you find a gig that you’ll love soon 😀
Me too. I’m-a run out of UI bennies sooner than later! -m
Their loss and your gain, it sounds like.
Aw, thanks. I hope so. -m
They suck anyway. You’re too good for that job.
Plus, how mind-numbingly boring would it be to walk people through removing viruses through their registry or utterly frustrating because some people don’t even know what a start menu is let alone an operating system….
I say you lucked out and it is fo sho their loss!
No walk-throughs, it’s remote access. But yeah – it would suck. I *heart* you! -m
Wow, sounds like to me your nothing but a whiny little bitch. If I was that employer, I too wouldn’t hire you if you didn’t know the registry or win startup procedures. I especially wouldn’t hire someone who talks back to an interviewer like his/her shit doesn’t stink. No a good attitude when your entire job is talking to troubled customers on the phone. You’re too good for virus removal!? ‘oooooooh look at me! I know IP addresses!’ You self-entitled emo bitch. In this economic environment, a tech support virus removal job paying $13/hr while working at home is a godsend for a lot of techies out there. Too menial for you? Why don’t you continue to do what you do best when thing don’t go your way and whine on your little blog for a living. Loser.
First off, it’s “you’re a whiny little bitch;” learn your contractions. It’s fundamental.Second off, fuck you, kid. I’ve been doing tech support for a decade, and I’m excellent at it. Award-winning, even. Let me repeat myself for you, since your reading comprehension is questionable: the employer’s job description was inaccurate and incomplete; I wouldn’t have applied for the job in the first place if it hadn’t sounded like something I was actually qualified for. Of course he didn’t hire me; I’m not qualified to remove viruses all fucking day long. Thank God.
Third off, yes! You’ve hit the nail on the head. It is too menial for me, because I am too clever and – what did you call me? emo? hah! yeah, I’m “too emo” – for such a hideous, boring, soul-stealing job. Thanks for noticing!
I love you too, and I hope you get a good job soon. -m
Interesting. Despite the original poster being pretty crass in language, the comment does reveal in your response an elitist know-it-all attitude that the poster was hinting at. “It is too menial for me, because I am too clever … for such a hideous, boring, soul stealing job” !?!?!? ‘Wow’ is the word to describe such a retort. I hate to see what you think about waitresses, Walmart workers, or even blue collars. And they say men have overblown bad egos…
Hi, Ry, thanks for visiting.
Since when is a healthy ego and self-knowledge overblown, bad, and, uh, masculine? (And since when is “masculine” a legitimate insult? You just dissed almost half of the world’s population.) Why can’t I dislike a job I wouldn’t enjoy?
Are you technical enough to have any idea of what it would be like to remove viruses remotely all day? (It would be like pulling staples for 40 hours a week, which I’ve actually done. And yes, it was as tedious and boring and strangely exhausting as you might imagine.)
I’m not an elitist. The paragraph you reference was done in a style known as irony. I’ve done plenty of blue-collar work and I’d much rather be a waitress or work at a Walmart than work for a stressful, metric-tracking, leave-customers-on-hold-for-long-periods-of-time call center. I like myself too much to want a job that I know wouldn’t suit me… or I it, for that matter.
You’ll note that I did point out that I realize that I’m not qualified for the job in question, and that I wouldn’t have applied had the job description been more accurate. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t pass their pre-quiz, so I’m obviously not a complete idiot – I know some stuff. -m
I don’t even know what to say. Who takes the time to write hate mail on a blog?
They say it takes 10 positive affirmations to remove one negative comment so….
1. You’re beautiful.
2. You’re talented.
3. You’re SUPER smart.
4. You’re funny. Seriously.
5. You have a powerful, amazing voice.
6. You’re not afraid to tell the truth as you see it.
7. You have hair that actually behaves.
8. You make killer Green Thai Curry that makes my eyes water.
9. You believe in being fair, in real life even.
10. You are a treasure in the shape of a girl.
*Bonus*
You have awesome friends. Aaanndd You’re the most beautiful girl in this stupid world.
Loves and hugs.
I don’t know! Moreover, I can’t figure out what I said that made these folks so… mad. The gist of my post is basically that I was all excited, then let down when I realized the job wasn’t what I thought it was and that I wasn’t qualified anyway. Oh, Ro, you are a treasure of a human being! -m
I can see not hiring someone for a job for whatever reason (doesn’t matter). But not hiring someone for the job and then tracking them down on the interwebs to (sort of) mock them in front of their friends? That speaks to a depravity of mind and desperateness of spirit that you’re obviously better off NOT being associated with, menial job or not.
Thanks for dropping by. And yeah, I really don’t get where the comments on this post are coming from. I haven’t had a negative comment here on the ‘box in literally years. It’s weird, but it’s traffic. As they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity! -m
Wow. Who are these mouthy cowards, such that can throw flaming turds but not even leave a website and/or email? Meh. Fuggum: virus removal is an asshat’s job.
One of the email addresses looks like it might be real, but I’m too lazy to find out. *shrug* -m