In which you already know way too much about it anyway, so this is my last post on the topic, I swear to God!

Tuesday morning I went to see my doctor for a post-op follow-up visit. He told me I could resume normal activities (which I interpreted to mean I could resume drinking cocktails). He said I may expect to be quite fatigued for the next couple of weeks while my body re-absorbs the endometrial tissue deliberately damaged during the ablation. He reminded me – yet again – that, while I am for all intents and purposes now sterile, ablation is not considered a birth control method and I’d better not get myself knocked up. And no “visitors” for another three weeks, either.

Luckily, I have no plans in that direction anyway. I mean, hello: I live in my grandmother’s attic. I don’t have a car, and I don’t even have a local tavern to frequent, so it’s not like I’m meeting any candidates (even if I was interested, which, after years of being nagged for sex, I am not). I think the sanctity of my sacristy will remain safely unsullied far beyond the proscribed (prescribed?) probationary period.

Did that last sentence totally amuse the hell out of you, too, or is it just me?

I’ll probably need to use panty liners for the next couple of weeks, he said, but after that there’s a likelihood that I’ll never have to buy feminine hygiene products again. I’m so fucking INTO that concept! I’ve bought enough Kotex in the past couple of years that I shouldn’t have to buy any more until at least 2010, I swear.

The uterus monster was a prolapsed polyp a bit bigger than his thumb, he said. It bled like a bitch when he cut it out, but he reports he did a good job removing its base during the ablation. (I take this to mean he’s hopeful that it won’t come back. God knows I don’t really want to undergo a hysterectomy; the recovery time for that shit is measured in weeks, not days.) Furthermore, he said, my endometrium was very, very thick. Which is why I bled a lot and all the time, and which is why having the roller ball ablation was a fantastic solution for me. I’m 39 and wasn’t planning on having kids anyway. Maybe five years ago, but certainly not now. Child-bearing is for the young and energetic and married; I’m entirely too set in my ways. Zero population growth and all that.

Overall, I feel totally kick-ass. My period is supposed to start on the 17th, but I doubt that it will. I’m not yet having the PMS symptoms I’m usually having by this time of the month (except for some random anxiety attacks), and my uterus is still healing. I bet I get a free pass this month.

Hopefully the next time I discuss the peachfish here on the ‘box, it will be to tell you that I found a nice friend who does interesting things in its vicinity, and NOT to tell you about any icky growths or disturbing gushes of fountaining blood! Can I get a hell yeah three times, my babies?

Update: I got a letter from the hospital today. They reviewed my charity application, and gave me 100% off! All I have to pay is the surgeon, the clinic, two labs, an assistant surgeon, and the anesthesiologist. I owe the hospital nothing! That’s five thousand dollars I don’t have to pay! OMG, I AM SO GRATEFUL.