In which I’m asked a personal question.
There’s this guy I know. Not really well, but we worked at the ISP together. I don’t have his number in my cell phone or anything, but we’ll chat if we run into each other. An acquaintance.
Anyway, last night at the Dead Cock (where I was drinking water and listening to everyone go on about the seance they’d had upstairs to contact the bar’s resident ghost) he says to me, “Can I ask you a personal question?”
I say, “Sure, go ahead,” because I can’t think of what the fuck he could possibly be curious about.
He says, “So are you bisexual, or just a full-on lesbian?”
I blink. “Uh, I’m totally straight.”
He just looks at me, like he thinks I’m lying.
So I say, “I like cock.”
“No way!” he says. “What about all those girls I saw you with on your lunch hour? You’d sit in your jeep and smoke cigarettes with them, and they were always huggin’ and kissin’ on you?”
“Just friends. I’m unbearably adorable, of course, so that’s why all the huggin’ and kissin’, but I don’t sleep with girls. Well, I make out with them sometimes, but I don’t fuck them. Usually.”
“Wow! I totally read you wrong! For a whole year!”
“Eh,” I said, shrugging. “It happens.” Inwardly I’m thinking, Wow, maybe I should just switch. Might be easier in the long run. At least chicks are crazy in a way I understand, unlike boys, who are crazy in ways that are utterly and inscrutibly foreign to me.
He says, “Well, damn, I’m sorry, but I guess I’m glad I asked!” and he looks a little embarrassed.
“Naw, naw, it’s fine.” I say. “I’m flattered, not offended! Chicks are awesome.”
That may be the single most amusing conversation I’ve had in, oh, ten years. For real. Am I a lesbian? THAT’S SO COOL! It never occurred to me that there was anyone in this town who thought so. If only I really were that interesting.
In other news, I have to get up at five. in. the. morning. to drive someone to the airport. I need the money, obviously, or I wouldn’t be doing it at that hour… I bought tags for the jeep today — today was the last day; tomorrow they’d expire — and I now have less than two dollars to my name, and one of those dollars is in change.
Damn 4WDs with their $55 tags. Ugh.
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Wow, I’m a lesbian too! Must run in the family. Oh, wait, I meant I’m a lesbian ALSO. Yeah, that.
You so funny, dad. 😉 -m
wait. so you’re saying you’re *not* a lesbian? huh.
i don’t know if we can hang out anymore or not.
*smooch*
Waah! BE MY FRIEND! -m
You’re like me. You like to playing the pipe organ too much to ever seriously consider switching to… let’s say a violin.
*Cackle!* -m
A guy at work once called me a Lesbian.
I told him I am gay.
He didn’t know the difference.
Linguistically speaking.
I’m going to tell everyone you’re a lesbian too. 😉 -m
Well, Duh! I could have told him that. You wouldn’t even put out for ME after I took you to a movie and everything! 😉
Speaking of, want to do something fun when I finally get back to town next week? (wink, wink)
Call me when you get back. Harder! *smooch* -m
you’re not a lesbian???!! damn! oh well. hey, you know, him thinking you’re lesbian probably saved you from a year of annoying flirting, inuendo and double entendre. unless you like that sort of thing, then it sucks that you missed it. 🙂
if i can find my lesbian card i’ll scan it and post it, it’s really cool.
You have a card?!? -m
Oh honey, I’m sorry to report that not all lesbians are interesting. Really. Of course I am totally *fascinating* but I am the exception, not the rule. 🙂
Brad – love your comment. I’m still giggling.
Brad’s an effin’ laff-riot. Love that dude. -m
Wow, that’s awesome! hahaha Hmm, he’s been thinking about you for a whole year eh *hint Just kiddin 😀 Have a good weekend Mush
Hah! If it was a pickup line, it was more than a bit left-handed! -m
You’re not a lesbian, but it also sounds as if you’d entertain the idea of some girl-on-girl groping. This is good; it gives my imagination a springboard of sorts.
Ditto back atcha. I followed you home to your blog from Sin’s… which is why I thought you were gay for like two weeks or so. *snort!* -m
Lesbians and gayboys and straights! Oh my!
Isn’t sex awesome?! -m
I am Zoidberg!
Yay! -m